Forgiveness

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

Practicing forgiveness is probably one of the most important contribution to healing the world. BUT….

Dear backstabber/future backstabber,

I consider myself a nice person. But I’ll be honest. I will let you into my life, befriend you and even share my food with you. But buddy, you do not get 3 strikes. You get one. Once you have wronged me, I will remember it for the rest of my life

Let me explain myself.. I may not be able to look at you the same way, but I will be civil. I will even be the better person and apologize for something that wasn’t my fault. Okay, I’m done.

Sincerely,
Me

I will not give names, nor tell the entire story (though if you would like to know, go right ahead an message me for a deeper understanding). It was ’10, and the first time in my life that I have ever been backstabbed by a close friend. Will I every truly forgive him? I’m not sure. But I do look back at the fond memories we once had. He’s served as a mentor, teammate, and friend; and that gives me hope for a future friendship to start emerging again.

Now the questions circling around in my head are: Do I want to associate myself with that type of human being? Can I help him in any way? Will I be able to muster the strength to forgive him for his wrongs?

Hmmm. I’ll end this rant on this note. Forgiveness is most definitely not looking the other way. I’m one that likes to confront problems. But you know what? Because its an honest Monday, I’ll let you all know that I can forgive, butΒ IΒ can never forget.

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15 thoughts on “Forgiveness

  1. I think the forgetting part can only come if you fully believe the other person is genuinely sorry for what they did and have definitely changed their ways. Otherwise the survival instinct of wondering if this person is going to screw you again will always remain. But sometimes the act of malice had too large of an impact that it’s damn near impossible to forgive let alone forget.

    • Hey Mindo,

      Yesss…I agree. And the word “backstab” is a strong word, along with malice…but sadly, there really are people out there who are just in it for themselves =/. What’s even scarier are the ones who have a likeable/charismatic personality…but are STILL only in it for themselves. Do you think those people are able to change?

      Also, I really liked your Chocolate Experiment post πŸ™‚

      • When you mentioned “likeable/charismatic”, right away a couple faces shot to my head of friends I had who were so likeable and polite except when shit hit the fan. Some change but some never do. Sometimes there’s even borderline personality disorders at play.

  2. I feel the same way. Truly forgiving is harder than some let on. There are those in my life who I forgave but will never forget what they’ve done and there are those that I still can not forgive. I hope you have a wonderful Monday πŸ™‚

    • Thank you! πŸ˜€ I did have a pretty great Monday. Though it was the day after the Superbowl which = zZzZz…but I got through it πŸ™‚
      Do you think you can ever forgive the ones that you haven’t forgave already?

  3. For me, forgiveness, trust, etc are words that weave a part of complicated tapestry. Never black and white, and not even shades of grey. They are words that conjure and swirl and bubble in the mind. Like all things in life, again for me, trust and forgiveness are pragmatic things and applied differently from person to person.

    Always learn a lesson? Definitely. But, depending on the person, the scale of injury done, and the level of real repentance that they show, it can change the lesson from trust to history ;).

    “It only takes one tree to make a thousand matches but only takes one match to butn a thousand trees”.

    Are we as human beings really that fragile?

    Anyway, thanks for looking at my blog. It’s not been up long so I appreciate the visit! Your martial arts background looks varied and wide; I hope you find the dojo you’re looking for soon.

    Pete

    • Hi Pete!

      Thanks for such a thought evoking comment! I agree that life in general isn’t black nor white. But I guess that’s why its interesting πŸ˜‰

      I would love to read more about you and your travels esp Japan. Though, I think that you put it on private, because I can’t access it anymore.

      Haha, yes, my martial arts background It is quite wide, mainly because in college I was a part of a huge martial arts appreciation group. We aimed at exposing students to all different types of martial arts- as each one has its own beauty. At the moment I would really like to study Shotokan, and REALLY dig deep into the tradition and history, along with training of course ;).

  4. I think it’s intelligent to forgive but not forget. You learn so much from your past experiences – why would you want to forget and pretend it never happened? At the same time, you must genuinely forgive (in all aspects) in order to move forward with the knowledge derived. And yes, true forgiveness is extremely difficult… but one must persevere. πŸ™‚

  5. Forgiveness is really difficult when a close friend breaks your trust. But ofcourse there is usually no other way, because we can not always end relations when we get hurt. We have to forgive many a times (and not always forget though life gets easier when you do both)……

    • Interesting perspective. Haha I’m not sure if I’m that forgiving. In a way, I’m able to forgive on a surface level, but when someone breaks my trust I find it very hard to look at them the same way. Its almost like breaking a vase. On the outside it may look just fine, but ultimately gets more fragile the more times you break it.

      Some relationships are worth mending, others are just not worth the time and energy!

      • Its surely hard to ” look at them the same way when someone breaks your trust”. Because things are never usually the same ever. But one can always give a try and be all generous- to re use the vase and keep on protecting it until possible!
        “Some relationships are worth mending, others are just not worth the time and energy!” -Extremely true! I agree.
        Mending is important only if the relation is just worth it-

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